Hard Times

Everything is difficult right now.

I am very confused as to what road I am going down in life. I have just graduated and all my friends have dispersed back around the U.K leaving me in a new house, with new flat mates who I have little in common with. I am living with my girlfriend for the first time, have an extremely part time job that pays a measly half of my rent a month and no other jobs have got back to me save for an unpaid journalism one that swaps reviews and articles for gig tickets.

I worry I will have to move back home. I worry that I will become a financial burden on my girlfriend. I worry the stress will break us up.

I have been offered the chance of a post graduate course but I have no savings and would have to get out a loan. The course would teach me a lot and would give me a better chance of a job afterwards. I worry about the debt but feel in a catch 22.

My girlfriend and I have been arguing. We have argued about her being nice to a friend of mine when she used to bitch and complain about him behind his back. Now they are pally when my relationship with him is frosty. He has a very cruel humour and makes the same snide jokes about me which my girlfriend laughed along with and encouraged him. With my lack of morale right now it was not needed and I have been avoiding this friend since. Alex meanwhile has been getting more matey with him and then accused me of self absorption and jealousy when the reality is I don’t want to hang out with a friend who will put me down for not having a job even though I graduated and he earns 16,000 a year in his bar job after failing the first year of university twice. He also repeatedly mocks other things about me because when he first met me I could not cook and needed his help to learn. To be frank he is a know it all fuck all.

Alex and I have also been arguing about other stupid things like her spending time dyeing her hair for hours and not spending time with me when it was my last day with her before going home for the weekend. She argued that I was upset over something silly but it was more that she took over our room that time and I was stuck in the lounge with the house mate who drives us both insane. Plus she said she would show me her hair as soon as it was done only for me to see she had put posey photo’s of herself up on facebook to show it off to other people. I know it’s stupid and petty. It also drives me mad that it is O.K for her to put up these pouty, sultry photo’s of herself alone but when I put my display photo of myself making a goofy face she accused me of wanting to be perceived as single!!

Just had to get that out. Hopefully things will be clearer tomorrow.

Joey.