Sexual Harassment at Work

How is sexual harassment defined? Sexual harassment is a form of sex discrimination.The legal definition of sexual harassment is "unwelcome verbal, visual, or physical conduct of a sexual nature that is severe or pervasive and affects working conditions or creates a hostile work environment."

Who can be victim of sexual harassment? The victim can be any gender. The harasser can be any gender. The harasser does not have to be of the opposite sex. Everyone should know their legal rights when it comes to sexual harassment. Unlawful sexual harassment may occur without economic injury to or discharge of the victim. The harasser's conduct must be unwelcome.

What are the Legally Recognized Types of Sexual Harassment? There are two types of sexual harassment that are legally recognized. Quid pro quo sexual harassment occurs when an employee gets on the promotion track or even gets to keep his/her job is based on if the employee submitted to or rejected sexual advances or other types of inappropriate sexual comments.This type of sexual harassment occurs when a co-worker or supervisor in the workplace makes sexual advances or comments to an employee that, while not affecting promotions or the future of the employee's job, makes the working environment of the employee offensive and hostile.

What are my rights if I am sexually harassed? Tell the offender you find their conduct offensive. Inform your employer that you are being sexually harassed and follow the company policy on sexual harassment. Also, you may want to seek the advice of attorney. If your employer fails to take the proper corrective action you must file a complaint with the Equal Employrment Commission (EEOC). A EEOC complaint must be filed before you can file a law suit.

How is a hostile work environment defined? It occurs when unwelcome conduct has the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with an individual's work performance, creating an intimidating, hostile, or offensive working environment.

When should you report sexual harassment? If the conduct is severe enough that it occurred only once, may warrant reporting. If the conduct is less severe, but occurred over an extended period of time, that too may be sufficient. However, you should always inform the harasser the you find the conduct offensive.

How can a victim be harassed at work by a non-employee? Employers may be responsible for the sexual harassment of a non-employee if the employer or supervisor knew or should have known of the harassment, failed to take immediate and appropriate action, and had some degree of control over the non-employee.

Rejected right over the edge

Yes, that is right. I finally had a major mental breakdown. Complete with a visit to a psychiatrists office with follow-up visits scheduled. All because I tried to force men who did not want me, to want me which set myself up for rejection and when the 4th one rejected me, it was more than my heart, soul and mind could bare and I lost it. Now, I am truly on the road to a recovery but this time with the tools I need which really gives me hope. My hope is that we discover why I have this bottomless pit of hunger for being loved by a man and how to fill that hole with whatever needs to be there. I really am hoping to find out how to have a positive and long lasting relationship or how to live a fulfilled life without one. Whichever way God wants it, I need to be prepared to handle it and right now, I am not, I realize that I am not and am very willing to try to figure all of this out. Wish me luck.

I hope you all are doing great!

Love,

Lucy

Lets Play Catch-Up

Hi there all you love bloggers! Seeing as how this is my very first post here, I thought I’d catch you up on oh, say, the last 18 months of my life. Without all of that, it can be hard to see why I appreciate what I’ve got going on now–so lets step back to January of 2008. I had been single for about a year and a half, maybe even a little more. I was 22 at the time and had been in and out of several relationships, none of them lasting very long, and none of them getting very serious. I had dated plenty of guys (which may be surprising considering I’m a plus size girl) but most of them only wanted one thing–sex, and thats not what I was interested in. So needless to say, I, like thousands of other girls, was looking for ‘the one’. I had been living with my cousin at the time and her boyfriend knew a single guy that he worked with, so he decided to set us up. I met Mike a few days after talking to him on the phone and things went pretty well on our first date and we decided to keep seeing each other. He lived about an hour and a half away so we would text and talk on the phone during the week and since he was only off every other weekend, he would usually stay at my place on my days off. He was willing to pay for things which was nice, but it pretty much ended there. Days would go by and I wouldn’t hear from him. I’d leave him message after message and get nothing in return. My birthday came around in March and he did actually show up for that, but then that was the last time I ever saw him. He pretty much fell off the face of the earth. My cousins boyfriend still saw him at work, but he wouldn’t really talk to him. Mike broke so many promises and took my virginity and I then I never heard from him again. Slighty heartbroken, it was a few months before I was ready to take the leap again. I posted an ad on Craigslist and waited. I met one guy from there who I dated for about two weeks, but he was such a creep, I told him it was over. He was always trying to feel me up and I was afraid he was going to rape me. I moved after I left him and he found out where. One day when I was leaving to go to work, I found brand new 4 in bolts behind my tires. Had I not seen them, I would have had 4 very flat tires. Then in the beginning of October 2008, I received a response from Ryan. We chated online for a few weeks and decided to meet. Things clicked and before you knew it we were living together, although looking back I know that was one of my biggest mistakes. We moved way to fast and I didn’t do my homework before I allowed him to move in. Things went great for a while and then I found out he was bi-polar, which I could live with, but he refused to take meds for it. I also found out after the fact that he was in jail and into drugs (just my luck). He didn’t have his own cell phone when we were dating so I stupidly gave him one to use. For some reason that I fail to see now, I had loved him with all my heart and was willing to do everything for him. He was unemployed and couldn’t afford anything so I paid the house payment, utilities, paid for food, gas in his car, his bowling league, gave him that cell phone, and more. I guess I was just so happy to be in a relationship I didn’t care at the time. Looking back, I don’t know how I was so happy. He never wanted to spend time with me, he would stay up and play on the computer all night and sleep all day. He was always in a bad mood. What the hell was I thinking?? Then in February (after he had finally gotten a job and been working there for a couple weeks) he wouldn’t come home until 4 in the morning a few nights a week. He said he was out with friends, and I accepted that–until I got the cell phone bill. He had been texting an out of area number all day everyday and had gone over $200 over his texting plan. I found this out the day before Valentines Day and was going to confront him that day, but he never came home. I called and texted with no response. I did a little digging and found out that the number that he was texting and calling was girl he worked with–he was having an affair. He came home the next day (Valentines Day) to tell me he was leaving me. I was heartbroken and devastated. Not to mention as a result of everything I had given up for him, I was losing everything I had worked for. Once he had gotten a job he was supposed to start contributing and paying me back, which I never saw one cent of. So, I ended up losing my house that I loved, was thousands of dollars in debt, not to mention he stole some of my valuable things when he moved out. I cried for days after the fact, although now I really just can’t understand what I was so upset about. I wasn’t really losing anything thing–he took everything I had, what was left to lose? I was so physically and emotionally drained from this relationship. I quickly went from heartbroken to furious when I found out about all his infidelity and how his best friend looked me in the face and lied to me. I don’t really know if it was my being furious or wanting a boyfriend so badly that I went back to craiglist. Fail me once, shame on you–fail me twice, shame on me. On February 21st, 2009 I came across a male listing–”Country Boys Seeks Female”. I read it and was interested and sent a replying inquiring more about him. On February 23rd, I received a reply back. For a month and a half Country Boy Cory and I sent daily emails back and fourth and also talked on yahoo instant messanger. After that month and half, he asked me out, and I said yes. We had our first date on April 10th. My type has always been the tall boys, but I was unprepared for just how tall Cory was when I opened the door to my apartment. I’m what I consider to be average height (5’5”) and Cory is 6’9”, almost a foot and a half taller than me! I dont’ know where I intitally thought the relationship was going to go, but I think I was unprepared for how fast I would fall in love with the farm boy from Apple River…

To be continued….

Sweetheart Sara

Getting Up To Speed

Hello fellow bloggers. In my last post I had left off right when I met Cory, my farm boy from Apple River. We had our first date on April 10th, of this year. Like most, I was incredibly nervous and overly worried that Cory wouldn’t like me because I’m plus sized. The fact that I couldn’t get ‘Unbeautiful’ by Lesley Roy out of my head didn’t help either–that song had become my theme song after Ryan left me. I felt like that song was written just for me and couldn’t help but have tears in my eyes every time it was on the radio. Of course this song was most popular right around that time and we all know how radio stations overplay the current hits, so needless to say, I heard it non stop. Getting back to Cory, I would say our first day was pretty average–we went to dinner and a movie and he just dropped me off at my place afterwards. No kiss goodnight, just a quick goodbye. I wouldn’t say the first date was overly great or anything but I knew enough to know I wanted to see them again.

As if things aren’t awkward enough on a second date, I happened to have a friend getting married the next weekend and reluctantly asked him to attend with me–after all, who wants to go to a wedding alone? Much to my surprise, he said yes–then and their I know he was different than most guys. We continued to talk on yahoo messenger every day, getting to know each other more and more. I came to know just how different he was from anyone I’d ever dated. He had never been on a date before me, never had a real relationship and despite all that, he knew how to treat a girl.

Every weekend since we met with the exception of one (I was sick with a kidney stone, throwing up nonstop and didn’t want him to see me like that) he came to Dubuque (an hour away) to be with me. Everytime he came it got harder and harder to say goodbye. Some nights he wouldn’t leave for home until 3 in the morning. Finally after a couple months he began spending the night with me. When it was time for me to move from my apartment, he began spending the whole weekend. No matter how much time I get to spend with him, its never enough!

Sorry to end here bloggers, but its time for me to sign off for the night! I’ll get into more detail next time!

Sweet dreams and peace to all!

Sweetheart Sara

Let me introduce myself

I am new to this website and am excited to get started on my blog! I am hoping that what I have to say not only helps others, but that what they have to say will also help me. I am very willing to share every aspect of my life, but upon doing so, I will attempt to remain anonymous and everyone will be given their own nicknames. 

I am a single mother. I have been a single mother since June of 2006. It’s been very difficult for me from the beginning because although I was primarily a stay at home mom prior to my separation (I only worked part time), I never knew the amount of strength that it would take me to get through the trials that I have found waiting for me on this side of things.

I left my husband of seven years in June 2006 after finding out in May that he had been having a long term affair on me. I moved myself and my children to Idaho in June 2006. That was when we officially separated. I finally gave up every effort to make things work in December 2006. I went through all of 2007, struggling to make sense of my life. Going back and forth between dating and trying to make things work with him. My heart really wasn’t into doing either. After debating for a year about what to do, I finally decided to just take some “me” time and some time to be the mother to my children that had, through all of this, been missing for them. On April 1, 2008, I filed for divorce. In September 2006, I was able to finalize the divorce by default. It seemed that things would start getting better. However this began the constant cycle of him claiming that he missed me, that he wished we could make things work “for the sake of the children”, and that he “just wanted ‘us’ back again.” Talk that he still continues to this day.

Thus begins the newest chapter in my life. The ‘dating’ single mother…

I recently got back in touch with an old friend of mine, let’s just call him My Cute Boy. We have been friends through all of high school, crushing on each other back and forth through high school and until we both were engaged to be married. For nearly six years we never had a time where we were both ‘single’ together. Upon us both marrying, we lost touch for nearly seven years. Now, we are both divorced. We got back in touch and upon talking again, instantly hit things off as if we had never been separated, and began spending all our time together catching up on the seven years we had been apart. We started spending quite a bit of time together in deep conversations about everything, telling each other all the ins and outs of our respective divorces (his being much, much worse than I ever dreamed a divorce could be), all night telephone conversations, talking about things that bothered us, dinner, movies, and the confusing part….although we follow all the notions of ‘dating’ he continued to claim that we were not dating. In January 2006 I moved down to Utah and he arranged for him and three of his friends to come up to Idaho and move me and my boys down to Utah.

Then finally (six months after getting back in touch), after being on the phone for nearly three hours one night, he came out and asked me if I had ever thought about dating him. He told me that he really wanted to start ‘dating’ me and that he believed we should give it a try. Every single one of our mutual friends claimed that it was ‘obvious’ and that it was ‘inevitable’. No one was surprised by the fact that he finally put a name to what we were doing. The first night we spent together he told me that ‘I was everything that he was not’ he told me that ‘I filled in all his holes’ he said he thought that ‘We would be really good at this’ and that ‘We fit each other perfectly.’ He also told me that there was no one that he trusted enough to completely be himself around he said there was something about himself that he kept from everyone, one friend he didn’t be opinionated around, etc. and so I asked him what part of himself he didn’t allow me to see and after a very long pause, he replied that he ‘hadn’t figured that out yet because he trusted me with his emotions, his opinions, his true personality and generally himself.’ A mere three weeks later, he decided that we needed to stick to being just friends because he was afraid that we would ruin our friendship, he wanted to just be ‘friends that hung out together an awful lot’ and he had figured out what part of himself he didn’t allow me to see completely, his intimate side. And thus began the most dreadful confusion.

He began hanging out with me and my closest friends. Ones that he didn’t know. And every time he would make many comments that led everyone to believe that he was truly interested in being more than just my friend. My very good friend and her husband, let’s just call them My S.O. Friends, were with My Cute Boy and I at dinner and her hubby stated that since I was going to be moving back to Idaho, ‘There would now be something to *DO* in Idaho.’ My Cute Boy responded saying, ‘I’d go to Idaho to *DO* that!’ And the rest of us all almost blew our respective drinks straight through our noses. Thus begins the incredible confusion that has started my life with My Cute Boy, because to make a very long story short, I am completely head over heels in love with my very best friend…My Cute Boy.

Dying Love

My Love,

How many letters have I written trying to reach you?

Holding back all I fell for you and the love I NEED to share with you is changing me!

I am increasingly having difficulty concentrating on daily tasks and my spirit is becomming more depressed.

My loving and caring heart (for other people) is becoming numb with each passing day.

I must know what you want from this relationship… NOW!!!

As much as it is uncomfortable for you to speak to me, you simply must (in some way) explain what this relationship means to you.

I must know your hopes and desires for our future.

I MUST SEE A INTEREST IN SEEKING HEALTH FOR YOURSELF !!!

I MUST know what “Love” you want and need from me and what you do not… YOU HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR ME !!!!!

Whatever I have done in the past; trying to bring you closer to me and building our love, has either been wrong or you have simply forgotten what my love used to mean to you.

I honestly feel you have replaced me as your husband with either the medications you jealously protect or a general lack of interest in me.

WHATEVER IT IS… you must respond to me. I must know if you wish to regain what we used to have or if you want something else entirely!

Time is vicious and waits for no one. Our lives are passing us by and we are just watching it from the sidelines!

All we have to do is remember what we mean to each other; how BLESSED we are to have this love; and start pouring it out on each other !!!!!!!!!!!!

I Love and Miss You!

Yo Man!!

How can this be?

I have discovered part of what it is about My Cute Boy that makes me feel the way that I do about him.

For the first time in my life, for the first relationship in my life, be it friends or lovers, I have found someone who is secure enough within themselves that they encourage me to be strong, independent and successful. For the first time I am with someone who does not anger easily, who isn’t jealous when I talk to other people, who doesn’t feel I need to be the quiet and supportive housewife that stands behind everything that they do. I have found someone who wants me to be exactly everything that I am. Strong, independent, social and outgoing.

My Cute Boy has been texting me all day while he is at work. This is very unusual for him as he usually is so absorbed in his work that he doesn’t even look at his cell phone until he gets off, which is a very positive thing due to the work he does. But today has been extremely slow. I was out doing yard work and told him that I needed someone to help come take care of my tree because I am afraid of heights. He told me I should get over my fear and take care of my tree. I told him that there were two things that I could not seem to get over my fear of, heights and grasshoppers. And he replied, ‘Why not fix that and be able to do anything?’ When I told him no way, he replied that he thought it was ‘endearing I was able to do anything but heights and grasshoppers’. Someone who wants me to always try to improve myself and yet is happy with the way I am? What is this??

Found some interesting information

I’m still working my way through this stuff, but I found a book online that was called “Men Made Easy.” I have started reading it and it seems to be a lot of things that I have known all along and just have refused, or unknowingly haven’t, put into action. I thought I would share this great find from Kara Oh and let everyone know about this book. Perhaps as I start attempting to implement these suggestions in my daily life, things will start to change for me.

Anyway, here’s to hoping right?! 

New House, New Start

So, it’s been two weeks (more or less, I am terrible with specifics. The good thing about having our anniversary on the 1st of each month is that it’s impossible to forget!) since Alex and I moved in together. It is going great and the best thing(s?) without a doubt is falling asleep with her everynight and waking up with her every morning. Another good thing is that she now has two weeks off work before going into another role so that means lots of cuddling up on the sofa, cooking lovely meals, having mini adventures around London and sexy times. The bad thing of course, with too much sexy time, is that I now have friction burns and am out of action for the next few days, putting on a brave face but inside screaming with the panic that I will never feel pleasure again.

I am not going to lie to you and say that we have a relationship without arguments. On the contrary. We are possibly the most schizophrenic couple with our changeable and slapstick behaviour that is reminiscent of school yard tactics of giving the girl or boy you fancy a dead leg or cauliflower ear, bully! I personally have a rather cruel joy in jumping out on people at the most unsuspecting moments which is why I now have a bruise the size of a 50 pence piece on my groin. Alex was carrying cereal bowls into the kitchen, I jumped from behind a door and shouted “Boo” and then felt like I had been kicked by a horse. I’m not ashamed to say that I cried. We have also bickered about food. Alex takes my food up to me in bed but when I cooked her a bacon sandwich she came downstairs so I said “It will be ready in a minute!” She took this as “It will be ready in a minute, my sweet fair maiden, do please thus put your pleasant physique back in to thine fine bed of feathers and clouds and sunshine flowers upstairs so I shalt bestow on you this most succulent of bacon sandwiches.” which is NOT what I said at all! She then told me she was going upstairs to brush her teeth, which I took as “I will be back down in a minute.” which is not what she said either….

Her cup of tea went cold.

Her sandwich went cold.

I got grumpy.

She was waiting expectantly in bed.

I stomped upstairs to ask why she hadn’t come down. She asked why hadn’t I brought up two scolding hot cups of tea and two plates of bacon sandwiches. I questioned her eye sight and whether she saw four arms on me instead of two. She threatened to throw her sandwich in the bin. I said do as you please. She microwaved it because it was “ruined” and ironically ate it after having it zapped with radioactive cells.

There is also my forgetfulness which makes me feel very terrible indeed. Yesterday we were meant to go see an ice hockey game after I finished work. It was a busy shift and my mind was blank as to what I had to do in the evening. To rub it in I thoughtlessly had a drink and chat with my work mates when we had finished before heading home to see Alex looking beautiful yet pissed off. She coldly gave me a hug and explained we had missed the game. She then asked if we were going to the zoo the next day and I had to tell her I had a wine tasting course at work. This was followed by me crying and saying I am a horrible person to be with and was very sorry. I hate letting her down. She’s my everything.

We are also a very competitive couple. Alex loves to win everything and be the best at everything. She was in all of her sports teams at school and was known for chipping ankle bones and nearly blinding a friend of hers by booting the ball in her face. I meanwhile, am a far more docile yet sly kettle of fish. I do not particularly care about winning, merely beating the people who are smug with their constant success. So games like Buzz on the playstation are more of an all out war. Play fights also tend to go too far, nearly always with Alex winning. She has good moves like bending my fingers backwards and putting my hand into a vice like lock then cracking all of my unwilling knuckles.

Our relationship is coming up to it’s ninth month but we dated exclusively for a few months before that. We both love reminiscing on the first time we met. She says the world stopped the first time she saw me under the spotlight. No, I wasn’t on stage singing Shirley Basey songs, I was just well placed in a darkly lit bar. I remember our first shy conversation and the way my words got all tongue tied in my mouth because she was stroking my inner leg and staring at me intensely. Alex is not usually like that with people. Her past relationships were a sucession of people asking her out, her shrugging and saying “O.K” and then it not really going anywhere because she wasn’t really interested. Our first kiss was amazing and we hated leaving each other so instead text and rang each other constantly. I couldn’t believe my luck. In this day and age it is very hard to walk into a bar and meet the person you will fall in love with and want to stay with to the extent you can’t imaging them not being around.

Recently she met my family and they love her. She is very good at first impressions with people, is very vocal, polite yet cheeky and to put in a cliche “can charm the birds off the trees.” My friend says she has “The X Factor” and I would agree. I meanwhile, am more introverted but have been told I have impeccable manners and make a good host when meeting new people. I love our differences as a couple. It makes us work.

Now going to make my love some breakfast. Ta ta.

News from the Ex

The ex called today…man was that fun. Left me in tears for the majority of the day. He pretty much informed me that I never do anything right and that he ALWAYS pays for my financial mistakes. I guess that spending $200 that I didn’t really have on my oldest son’s dental work is a bad financial decision. He doesn’t seem to grasp that he is supposed to pay for 80% of all unpaid medical, dental, vision expenses and that he is supposed to also pay 80% of my work related childcare expenses as well. He makes SO much more money than I do that it’s completely ridiculous. I’m enrolled to go back to school, I start up again in October and have about nine months left until I finish my Master’s degree. At which time I plan to go on to get my PhD. This was construed in his mind as sacrificing the children for the sake of MY improvement. Why doesn’t he see that if I can make more money, this makes the children’s life easier, nicer, more comfortable? Why can’t he see that I am doing this not only for myself, but for the children as well?

He knows how much of an emotional person that I am, and sometimes I feel like he uses that to try to control me, or manipulate me. The thing is, he hasn’t been a manipulative person in the past and I don’t understand why this seems to be his new MO…I guess his changes have gone beyond the surface at this point. It’s sad that someone I have spent so many years of my life with now is a total and complete stranger to me.